Back in 1997 I thought “I’ll bet there are no porn sites for people with a garbage fetish – if there are any such fetishists at all.” There was nothing on Altavista back then and I maintain that there is nothing really about it on Google today. A few terms come close, like “salirophilia,” but nothing really hits the mark. I really thought there would be an online community for people into that, or a porn site, some fan fiction, a mention on Savage Love, or something by now but no.
Not like I care so much, I just liked the fact that I thought of something reasonably novel or rare, no matter how inconsequential.
The reason I’m writing today is because I have developed a phrase which appears nowhere else on the internet. I thought of it a couple of years ago and I have a nagging fear that if I don’t put it online first, some other fool will. So check it out, on November 27, 2008 I am officially using this phrase on a public website: “turd-bearing hips“. I don’t believe I have used it on a message board before now though I believe I have written it in emails.
Use this phrase as you see fit. Here are a couple of suggestions:
[You happily emerge from the bathroom]
YOUR FRIEND:Â Well, you look happy.
YOU:Â (placing both hands on the front of your pelvis) I just love these turd-bearing hips.
How about this scenario:
[Your friend comes out of the bathroom angry]
YOUR FRIEND:Â Who forgot to flush the toilet after taking a dump in there?
YOU: Curses! Sorry about that, it was me.
YOUR FRIEND: You? Wow – that was the biggest turd I’ve ever seen. Have you not taken a dump in a week?
YOU:Â (proudly gesturing towards your pelvis) Nope, it’s just these turd-bearing hips.
Look, use the phrase or don’t, just know that it was on the internet here first.
You have to celebrate every small triumph, you know?