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Turdichrome by redteam on FlickrBack in 1997 I thought “I’ll bet there are no porn sites for people with a garbage fetish – if there are any such fetishists at all.”  There was nothing on Altavista back then and I maintain that there is nothing really about it on Google today.  A few terms come close, like “salirophilia,” but nothing really hits the mark.  I really thought there would be an online community for people into that, or a porn site, some fan fiction, a mention on Savage Love, or something by now but no.

Not like I care so much, I just liked the fact that I thought of something reasonably novel or rare, no matter how inconsequential.

The reason I’m writing today is because I have developed a phrase which appears nowhere else on the internet.  I thought of it a couple of years ago and I have a nagging fear that if I don’t put it online first, some other fool will.  So check it out, on November 27, 2008 I am officially using this phrase on a public website:  “turd-bearing hips“.  I don’t believe I have used it on a message board before now though I believe I have written it in emails.

Use this phrase as you see fit.  Here are a couple of suggestions:

[You happily emerge from the bathroom]
YOUR FRIEND:  Well, you look happy.
YOU:  (placing both hands on the front of your pelvis) I just love these turd-bearing hips.

How about this scenario:

[Your friend comes out of the bathroom angry]
YOUR FRIEND:  Who forgot to flush the toilet after taking a dump in there?
YOU:  Curses!  Sorry about that, it was me.
YOUR FRIEND:  You?  Wow – that was the biggest turd I’ve ever seen.  Have you not taken a dump in a week?
YOU:  (proudly gesturing towards your pelvis) Nope, it’s just these turd-bearing hips.

Look, use the phrase or don’t, just know that it was on the internet here first.

You have to celebrate every small triumph, you know?